What to Do When People are Doing Better Than You  

What to Do When People are Doing Better Than You  

It’s just that time of the year again for you: a time for self-degradation and comparisons.

John just lost 10 pounds and you’re still fat.

Your little sister just landed a new job while you’re still trying to find a hiring manager that will answer their phone.

Your neighbor just bought a car for their son while you have to use UBER to go to Walmart.

Friend from school graduated with honors and threw a party while you barely passed physics.

And to make matters even worse, Brittany’s curls are moisturized and refreshed and your hair is dry and nappy. The icing on the “your life sucks” cake.

Not gonna lie, while writing this, I felt like a hypocrite. In the beginning, I didn’t do half of this stuff I’m about to inform you guys of. All my friends had cars, others already had interviews lined up while I was here at home doing the same thing I do every day—work. I’ve been a drama queen, complained about my lack of things, wondered why EVERYTHING I put my mind to was taking so long for me, and cried in frustration…but then I did this.

What to do when you people are doing better than you:

Stop comparing

First, and most importantly, stop it. When you compare yourself to others, you’re IMMEDIATELY setting yourself up for misery. And it’s because you might be comparing someone’s chapter 74 to your chapter 1. You might be comparing Rila’s dad-took-out-a-loan-to-buy-this-BMW-for-me car to your independent, self-made, and struggling self. When you compare yourself to others, you’ll realize that life isn’t fair. But there’s no rulebook saying that it has to be.

Related: The struggles of a college entrepreneur

 

Remember that God has a plan for everyone. You might not have the funds to get a car now, but maybe there’s a reason for that. Maybe you’re not mature enough, maybe you need that money for something more important.

Ask why it’s a problem if someone is really doing better than you?

What does “better than you” even mean? It’s such a subjective, incomplete phrase. Truth be told, there will always be someone better than you in some things. My theatre teacher always said, “there will always be someone younger than you who can do it better.” Questioning why someone else’s betterment is bothering you encourages even more viewpoints. WHAT is it that they are truly better than you at?  Maintaining a good weight? Being silver-spoon fed? Studying hard in school? Being mixed?

Questioning why someone else’s betterment is bothering you encourages more thinking. WHAT is it that they are truly better than you at?  Maintaining a good weight? Being silver-spoon fed? Studying hard in school? Being mixed?

Being mixed?

At one point or another, you’ll see that some, if not most, of these things people are “better at you than” derive from a mixture of fortunate events, possessing vanity/materialistic items, or having good genes.





So question—is someone really doing better than you, or do they just have things you also want?

And is it bothering you because you’ve been working hard at getting those things, or because everyone says you should have them already?

If you just want the curly, unattainable hair because it’s what’s “in” or if you just want your parents to buy you an expensive car because the neighbor’s kids have one, it’s time to reevaluate your values and purpose in life. Because it’s not to mope around and try to one-up your classmates.

But if you’re trying. If you’re really trying to get somewhere, and it JUST SO HAPPENS that someone you know has gotten there before you, it’s time to act.

Act

We’re done crying. We’re done playing the victim. It’s time to work.

Don’t act jealously or harmfully against that person. Act for you, and not for anyone else’s approval or to “catch up.”

If you’re currently looking for a job, trying to lose weight, trying to get the car, trying to get better grades, delete everything from your life that’s distracting you from that. Let your new job and your new hobby be pursuing goals.

Time to delete those apps (or use them for business strictly!), stop watching 15 Reasons Why marathons. Put that fidget spinner away, bandwagoners. Stop “chilling” and start working.

On my best days, I’m working non-stop. I’m sending applications and resumes in, sending pitches to work with companies AND making time for daily exercise. My day job consists of listening, learning, and working until I see results for over 8 hours a day.

But with best days, there are worst days. I wake up late. I take too many breaks. I spend too much time watching Gossip Girl. I feel dejected and impatient and I break down.

And then, I pick myself up and have another best day.

Just a parting piece of reality:

You’re not going to hear back from people the next day.

You’re not going to hear people say you’re doing a good job and to keep it up.

You’re going to feel embarrassed.

You’re going to feel behind.

And you’re also going to keep trying. Keep learning how to work more efficiently. Keep changing what doesn’t work. And lastly, KEEP WORKING.

Are you where you want to be in life right now? If not, how will you fix it?

 

Do you feel behind in life? Do you feel that people are doing better than you? Here's how to cope with that.

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  • Maya Envelle

    Yes to this awesome post! It’s “easy” to sit down and compare yourself to other people, but what will that bring you really? I love the part where you mention to WORK so you can achieve what you want (sooner or later). Thank you for sharing!

    • Blossom Onunekwu

      No, Maya, thank YOU for reading!

  • Marlene

    I have to constantly remind myself to stop comparing me to others. Trying to keep up with the jones if you will is hard work!

    • Blossom Onunekwu

      I can only imagine how rough it can be. Remember, you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone 🙂

  • COMPARING IS KILLING US. Media doesn’t help, but really we are the only ones responsible for ourselves and our experiences. Can’t live life always wanting what others have while ignoring your own power to get what it is you want. be in your power

    • Blossom Onunekwu

      It definitely is, and media for some is making it worse!

  • Sheila Price

    Great tips! The habit of comparison is even more common now because of social media and so hard to turn off!

    • Blossom Onunekwu

      Thanks for reading, Sheila 🙂

  • Lianne Benning

    I needed this post, thank you! Awesome tips and very inspiring. I’ve been feeling a bit sorry for myself lately and comparing myself to others, especially my 2-weeks-older cousin who has it all together, 2 cute kids, a car, money, and on holiday to Italy right now. It shouldn’t matter and I should just be happy for her. But here I am, chronically ill and stuck at home, no money, working my ass off to get better and to make my blog work. But really I love working my ass off to make my blog work. I’m going to read this post again and again I think. Thank you for the motivation! If you’re interested in my work, it’s at http://www.thehappyspoonieproject.com 🙂

    • Blossom Onunekwu

      Hey Lianne and thanks for stopping by. I’m elated this post has helped you seen the color in life, and how it does no good to compare yourself to others. Please, continue to make the most out of your life may your mind be clouded with only positive thoughts and ideas!! And trust me, I’m struggling with blogging too, but I know we’ll both get there by disciplining ourselves!

  • Hena Jose

    Very good one and I am sure all of us go through this point many a times. Especially when we feel low. We compare ourselves to others and sulk more. As you said we need to stop doing that. We need to focus on how to improve ourselves. http://scienceandsamosa.com

  • Great tips! So so true! It is not fruitful to waist time feeling crappy because of what other people are doing with and in their lives. The best thing to do is to work hard to get there ourselves because there is more than enough to go around. xx
    http://www.kerryanningram.com

  • Maison Lalopa

    THIS IS AWESOME! Especially as an entrepreneur you go through highs and lows and it’s hard to keep pushing, when you don’t see results right away! It’s important to trust your gutt and dopeness and keep trying!

    • Blossom Onunekwu

      Preach it, Maison! It’s so important to trust your gut and to keep going. Thanks for stopping by!

  • Zac @ The Kitchen Gent

    I love this post, this is exactly what I needed right now. Life post-grad is hard, and sometimes it can be difficult to stop comparing yourself to others. Thank you for the great advice!

    • Blossom Onunekwu

      No problem, and good luck in life!