To the New Freshmen Girls that Don’t Drink or Have Sex

To the New Freshmen Girls that Don’t Drink or Have Sex

It’s not as bad as you think it is. It’s worse.

 

 

Maybe you’re Christian. Maybe you don’t like the taste of alcohol. Maybe your parents never let you try it out. Whatever your reason for not having sex or doing drugs in college, know that people will NOT share the same beliefs.

With new people come new social settings and new temptations. Not gonna lie, it’s going to get harder holding on to beliefs, but before you go into college feeling like you won’t fit in anywhere, I wrote this post to remind you that you’re not alone. I’m Blossom. I don’t drink and I don’t have sex.

And I’m a junior in college.

Why I’m abstinent

DISCLAIMER! I’m not here to persuade people to stop drinking or stop having sex in college. I won’t judge you if you do, but I definitely will if you do it irresponsibly.

Here are a few reasons I practice abstinence against sex that have NOTHING to do with Christianity. Yes, I practice Christianity, but there are sooo many more reasons I chose not to have sex that aren’t based on religious practices.

  1. I’m gonna let you in on a secret: one of my biggest fears is getting pregnant. I’m an incredibly selfish person, but if there’s a baby in the picture, I can no longer live my life the way I planned to. There are going to be so many extra obstacles I have to go through to make ends meet. My baby would have number one priority over my online writing business and my Youtube channel. Call me pessimistic but the birth of an unprepared baby brings the death of several of my dreams.

And then, girls, you might get people that say this to you: Oh, you just take birth control—dead.

Seriously. Birth controls can slightly increase your risk of blood clots, which can eventually kill you. Not to mention weight gain,  headaches, anxiety, the list goes on and on. Of course, the deadly side effects are a bit extreme, there are other things I’m doing every day that might have those same risks.

But does that mean I should add on to the list of risks I’m taking? No.

Plus, birth controls can FAIL.

  1. Did y’all hear about that untreatable case of gonorrhea going around? Do I even need to say more?

Oh, just make sure the people you hook up with are clean.

Ok, freshmen. During the first week of college, the first thing you’ll notice is that:

People. Are. Dirty.

If you really think you can trust people to get checkups and shots when these same people don’t even wash their hands after finishing the restroom…

You funny.

I try to live a healthy lifestyle while at college because Lord knows that Chik Fil A ice cream at my school is temptation enough. I don’t want to make healthiness harder for me to achieve by having sex in college– a place filled with germs.

How can I make sure someone is clean if they won’t even know if they’re clean?!

  1. When women have sex, hormones like oxytocin, the love hormone, are released that make them feel more attached to their lover. Of course, not everyone gets attached after having sex, but in case I’m one of those types of girls, the only person I’d want to get physiologically attached to is my husband. I don’t have time for heartbreak and tears, and neither do you.

You’ll learn that there are lots of boys in college. Having sex with a college boy is a lot different from having sex with a man.

I gotta say, compared to your future friends that are sexually active, your life will be 10 times easier.

No pregnancy scares. No daily medication you need to take. No herpes. No boys playing with your heart to get in between your legs. All you need to focus on is yourself.

Why I don’t drink in college

  1. Exercising and alcohol don’t mix. I know I’m barely 200 pounds, but I’m on a journey to gain more muscle and weight. I’ve learned that people that take weight lifting seriously don’t drink.

And it’s because not only does alcohol

  • make you dehydrated
  • contorts with your thought process and focus

but it also makes proteins harder to absorb in the body. If you remember correctly, you need protein to build muscle and repair muscle. If you weightlift after a day of drinking, you’re going to impede on your muscle-building ability and be sorer for longer. Alcohol just isn’t necessary for me.

Related: WANNA MAKE TIME FOR THE GYM THIS SEMESTER? DO THESE 5 THINGS.

  1. Alcohol tastes nasty (wine is an exception).
  2. Alcohol is empty calories (aka 0 protein and therefore 0 gains).

With all these cons, you’ll wonder why everyone is having sex and doing drugs. But wait–




Is everyone having sex and drinking in college?

From the outside looking in, it’ll feel like everyone’s having sex in college and everyone’s doing drugs or drinking in college. And that’s pretty much accurate.

But the sad part is, with sex, drugs, and no parental jurisdiction, lots of risky, dangerous behavior become enabled.

Several colleges have been investigated for rape and sexual assault cases, including my own.

And binge drinking is no joke either. We have seminars on alcohol abuse and campaigns on consent. At least once a year.

One in five women will experience sexual assault in college. One in five. 

Heck, I personally know a couple of people that have been taken advantage of at school.

And on the topic of alcohol, almost 2000 deaths and over 90,000 sexual assault cases link back to alcohol use, according to the National Institute on  Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism

In short, college already isn’t a relaxing place to stay. You’ve already got pop quizzes, tests, fluttering motivation, bad grades, weight gain. Sex and alcohol just exacerbate the issues.

What you’ll experience as an abstinent freshman

So what is it like to be an outsider, you’re probably wondering? I would say that it’s easy and to just focus on your schoolwork and you’ll be fine, but then I’d be lying.

  • You’ll feel that you need to drink to have fun at parties.
  • You’ll find it harder to fit in at certain events.
  • You’ll meet people with the same religion as you but have different thoughts on sex than you–p.s religion and spirituality are not the same thing.
  • You’ll doubt your own beliefs.
  • You’ll feel alone.

Because that was me.

I wasn’t super depressed at it all, but in one (very brief) point of my college career, I was the girl that wanted to be accepted.

But after a few months, I got over that desire by doing this:

How to Cope as an Abstinent Non-Drinker

  1. Find new stress-relieving hobbies. Some people tend to drink out of boredom or to relieve stress. Do something that’ll relieve stress while benefiting you, like drawing, meditating, or heck—even crying. Crying is totally okay.
  2. Stop hanging around people that make you feel like a loser. Do all your friends talk about sex and alcohol? College is a wonderful place because you’ve got a googolplex of new faces. in one place. Find your people. I learned that my people weren’t at the clubs and at parties. In fact, I had to stop going to parties because
    • I don’t drink
    • Don’t twerk
    • But most importantly, there’s NO FOOD. Who conceived such a thing as foodless parties?

You definitely don’t have to stop going to parties just to not drink/feel urged to hook up with someone. If they played African music and served Nigerian food, I’d be at every party, straight up!

  1. Make money. My motivation for making money has been the most driving force that keeps me focused on my goals. While everyone was out partying, I was inside working. And when you’ve got income and financial goals to move forward to, the risk factors of drugs and sex are never ever worth it.
  2. Learn a new skill. I started teaching myself Japanese in the beginning of sophomore year. Things got a bit too hectic, so I had to stop, but it kept me busy and inspired me to invest time in getting better. It still sucks though.
  3. Study. DUH. Get prepared for lots of studying. Build relationships with your teachers. Fix your grades. Graduate. GRADUATE. I promise you, you will have a lot of other things to worry about other than partying and sex. I promise.

Need a few tools to help you have a more productive, less stressful school year? Tell your folks to get you some of these gifts for back to school.

Want to know what to buy for your favorite smart and broke college student? Maybe you are the college student and want people to buy you actually useful gifts this year? Here's a tiny list of things that smart and broke college students would appreciate. Just click here to get the list!

I wrote this to all the upcoming freshmen girls who don’t have sex or drink. I wanted to get you prepared for how college life will hit you.

You might change your mind about having sex and drinking after reading this. And that’s what growing up entails. Lots of people lose themselves in college, but lots of others find themselves.

It’s gonna be a difficult route, the path less traveled. Being abstinent in both sex and drugs is worth it to me because there are so many other things I can focus on than the risk of getting pregnant or hangovers, but you might feel differently. The road to adulthood and college is a twisted one, and you might make a few decisions that you aren’t proud of. But however you face it, make sure all your decisions are processed well before you act on them. Think everything through.

And if you decide abstinence will be worth it in college, here’s how to prepare for the questions you might get asked.

  1. Why don’t you drink?
    1. I’m underaged
    2. I don’t trust you guys with my intoxicated mindset
    3. I want to have control
    4. I don’t need alcohol to have fun
  2. Why don’t you have sex?
    1. It’s not a priority of mine at the moment
    2. College boys are dirty
    3. Don’t have time for diseases/babies/feelings

If you want more college advice, check out my Youtube Channel, Blossom the Creativist.  I actually have a whole playlist on college right here.

 

 

To all the freshman girls who aren't interested in having sex or drinking in college, this one is for you: If you're a girl that's going to college soon, there's one thing you should know: people have sex. And do drugs. A lot. If you're not interested in having sex or drinking in college, you're going to be left out of a few conversations. But here is how to cope with being the odd one out.

 

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  • Great advice all together. I learned all of these quite early In life and unfortunately, times have changed. Glad someone is speaking about this – especially the sex and alcohol

    • Blossom Onunekwu

      Thanks for reading, Asaake!

    • Blossom Onunekwu

      Hey Asaake, no problem! Yes, just from friends’ experiences, I’ve learned it’s not necessary for me to partake in that route at all. Everyone’s different, of course! Thanks for reading 🙂

  • Great advice. I think that young girls need to know whether they choose to drink and have sex or not, it is their choice to make, confidently and fully on their own. So empowering.

    • Blossom Onunekwu

      Yes, it’s definitely their own choice and they shouldn’t feel forced to do anything they don’t want to do!!

  • Sara Monahan Gerges

    I love this post. I’ve been through college. Hell, I’ve been through my 20s. I’m now in my 30s, married, and have a 4 year old daughter. Recently I’ve worked with several high schoolers (mostly female) and it’s terrifying and eye opening to hear some of their stories. It makes me very scared for my child once she’s in high school/college. Reading your post is very refreshing and gives me hope that not everyone lives the stories I’ve heard. I hope I can raise my daughter to be as strong in her convictions as you are. Thank you for your honesty and bravery. It’s wonderful to hear.

    • Blossom Onunekwu

      Hey Sara,
      Thanks for stopping by! I’ve actually been afraid to have kids myself from all the stories I’ve heard! But I’ve learned that you can’t live in fear.I’m sure you will do a wonderful job of raising your girl. Just remember to let her have some space in her teen years. Not too much space, but enough for her to know that she doesn’t have to go out her way to “have fun” and make you mad in college. Because some girls definitely wild out for the sake of making their parents angry.

  • Therandomp

    Hi, girl,
    I’m 23 now and I have never experienced any kind of typical “college life”. Anyhow, it was really interesting to read your point of view! I totally get it and those are some amazing beliefs to have. I have several arguments tho!

    About drinking – drinking once in a while is okay. Why does it always have to be about getting totally drunk? I don’t say that drinking is good. NO. But it’s nothing to feel bad about. If you go to a party and take a cocktail, it won’t destroy all your fitness efforts or kill your future dreams of any kind. Besides that, although I’m not proud of it, it’s kind of fun to look back at my partying at 16-19. I’d never do these things now! And some of them, and my “drinking buddies” I’ve met along the way, are really one of the craziest and funniest memories. Oh, also, there are all kinds of alcohol & coctails that literally taste like candies, haha. I’m just saying – keeping things in moderation makes life easier and more fun!

    I’m from Europe tho and the whole “college culture” here is slightly different and a bit more peaceful so my experience and opinion might not be that relevant 🙂

    And about sex – oh, dear. I have to start with – there’s no rush and college boys definitely isn’t the best choice to have this experience with. But sex isn’t evil either… Getting drunk and having sex is not under the discussion. But overall sex is necessary for healthy life. It actually boosts your immune system, releases happiness hormones, helps with period cramps and so much more! Birth control sucks, yes. But there are other ways how not to get pregnant. Anyhow, being in college and having sex “just because” is not a great idea. But finding someone who you’d like to have sex with and enjoying the process is just a natural part of our lives. It helps to understand the process by learning about these things – all kinds of protection methods, the pros of having regular sex, etc.

    Thank you for the article, it was an amazing topic of discussion!

    • Blossom Onunekwu

      Hey…The Random P, it seems? Haha, wish I knew a better way to address you!
      Thanks so much for reading. I hope this piece didn’t startle you too much; it’s not supposed to persuade anyone to live my life or shame anyone for not, I promise!

      In America, we got drinking issues–and sex issues, as you probably can tell. It doesn’t help that the drinking age is all the way up to 21 over here either.
      It’s not like I feel bad drinking. It’s just not for me at this time. I’ve had my fair share of college parties and clubbing and that’s just not how I like to have fun. I don’t know I feel like I’m more of a wine person anyway, but maybe I’ll enjoy it more when I’m older.

      With sex, nah my mind is made up lol. Too much drama, too many emotions, too many issues. I don’t know about European guys but (several) college American guys? Garbage.
      Good to hear that they help with period cramps, though! My cramps aren’t that bad to begin with but I know a handful of people that don’t have it as good as me. But I will agree, it’s important to learn about sex and protection, abstinent or not. When I do the thang, I want myself and my partner to enjoy it as well. After all, sex is a reason people get divorced.

      Decided to click your name to learn. Thanks again so much for reading, Ieva!